Monday, November 30, 2009

half of MY heart

"Half of my heart's got a grip on the situation, half of my heart takes time"

I had a hard time choosing whether to post the lyrics or the song. Chose to post the song.
It automatically made it into my all-time favorites list

london calling

This week i saw London with different eyes, in a whole new light, like i had never seen it before. Friends are truly the family you choose, and a trip with them is like nothing that can be written about. The laughs and memories are indescribable. The incidents shared will always be remembered in the heart, not in any text. The relationships that develop and transform on these trips are eternal.
The London i saw this time was so full of laughter it made your stomach hurt. So full of joy in made your eyes glow. And so full of loved ones you never wanted to leave their side.
Windy mornings and freezing nights only induced jokes, no longer cold misery. The crowded streets were like a maze. Getting dressed to go out was a happenstance in three rooms at once. The tube was a theme park ride all on its own, rush hour was unavoidable, and tracks and platforms were like science, then were like the alphabet.
But it was still so full of Arabs, you felt like you were in the Gulf. So expensive, the rich felt poor. So cold, your gloveless fingers would freeze. So wet, your new boots got soaked through.
But London called and we answered. We loved it and embraced each others' company and cherished our youth, in all its joy and glamour and blessing.
London this time around was like watching a movie in a different mood. You may not like the movie but you still came out laughing.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

the kid in me

You know how kids can seem so upset on minute, then they turn their attention elsewhere and the world is beautiful again? I'm that kid. I might be a full grown 24 year old working, semi self dependent adult, times like these i find myself a kid at heart.
I love traveling. It's one of the few things i want to do forever. I usually don't care where I'm going. I love planning, booking, packing. Okay i don't love packing, in fact it irritates me. But i always have a weird night before any trip. I get so tired of running around all day but when i finally get into bed, sleep is so far away it's not even worth the effort. My mind drifts to a million places.
First i think about where I'm going. That leads to little details of travel. i love an early airport ride. Cairo is still asleep in those quiet hours of morning. It's so calm it almost makes you not want to leave. I always check my alarm repeatedly to make sure i've got the correct time on the correct day. I love the hustle of an airport in contrast to the still sleepy city.
I love changing the time on my watch when i get somewhere. I love nice passport control officers. I love airports in general.
Godspeed to me then


Sunday, November 22, 2009

no one likes anything

Sometimes you try really hard to be cheerful, to have a good time, to see the best in everything. But most of these times there will be those who oppose you, bring you down and prove you wrong. You will struggle and put up a thousand fights and win them all, but then one small comment or gesture tears that all apart.
I am sick of this. We say in Arabic, "no one likes anything." Words couldn't be wiser than those. No matter what you do, someone will find some way to oppose it.
When people do bring you down, they do not think for one second about how much effort you're putting into everything. And how slowly your soul is getting drained trying to keep up with it all. They do not regard how their minor gesture will shake your well-being. I am sick of it all.
These people expedite your arrival at the conclusion that no matter what you do, you will never be good enough. So why don't we just stop doing? It'll be much easier for everyone. But we'd have turned hard, emotionless. But screw emotion. How far has it brought us? Is that really what they want me to be? Because i have no problem with it. But don't blame me later.
My mind is literally burning and aching here. I feel sorry that i have no where to put it except on this blog.
Have your ever felt like you didn't want to talk about anything? you don't want to explain yourself, you don't want to explain what's wrong. Sometimes i feel that it's much easier to be happy. Because getting upset means addressing all these issues that are upsetting you, and i don't want to do that. I am sick of making choices. I am sick of it all.
How can we be laughing one minute then someone gets you crying? I hate to cry. It hurts everywhere. It hurts in your heart and it stings your eyes. And the thing is, i have no idea what i am doing wrong. I feel as if im being constantly blamed for the actions of others. That is why i don't wish to associate myself with anyone anymore. I just want to be me, judged for my own actions and convictions; i can defend my own but no one else's. I don't want to defend anyone else's. There is no value to defense when everyone I've ever defended has let me down.

writer's block

not that i consider myself a writer, but i definitely consider this phase a writer's block. I've been so busy i don't know what to write about. I couldn't care less how many hits this blog gets. I just want to get work done. Im so sick of being so busy, but i love it.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

the worst feelings

So I'm still in the mood for lists, here are some of the worst feelings in the world, just some

Losing a highly anticipated soccer game
Watching someone's dream crumble
Putting a dress on then taking it right back off
Taking pajamas off then putting them right back on
Asking for permission at this day and age
Hearing silence and knowing its stemming from disappointment
Pretending you don't care when you really do
Going to bed lonely
Feeling all that all at once
Realizing that even after everything that's gone wrong, everything else is still coming your way

Friday, November 13, 2009

it's just passion

We Egyptians have excitement running in our blood. We get passionate so quickly and so intensely.
We love soccer. We support and defend our national team more than we do anything else. Before a critical game, the country is caught in a frenzy for weeks in advance. If you are reading this, there is an 80 percent chance you are Egyptian, so i won't explain further. Anyway it is something you feel, almost inexplainable.
This short post is inspired by a friend's bbm status, "it's just soccer." NO it's not. Soccer is Egyptian pride and passion. So this is Egyptian pride and passion.
The game against Algeria tomorrow is uniting Egyptians again in the way that only soccer can unite Egyptians. Without soccer, we all are strangers to one another. Groups and classes keep to themselves. We only mingle with a game. We more than mingle. We embrace each other, become one voice, identify with one another as supporters of the team, as the backbone of the stadium. It shames yet, yet somehow i am proud to say it, the only time i feel 100% Egyptian and 200% committed to Egypt is at a time of a game like tomorrow's. This is when i truly feel like singing to this blessed country and forever holding its name that is so deeply imprinted in soccer passion and pride.

Madonna, My Love

If I were to create a list of 5 things i want to do before i die, seeing Madonna live in concert would definitely be on there.
There is a difference between a favorite artist and an artist you admire for absolutely everything that they are. Madonna defines that difference.



Sunday, November 8, 2009

definitions

Tired is when you buy a drink then forget to take it
Tired is applying shampoo instead of conditioner, twice
Desperate is almost crying when asking someone for something; at this day and age those eyes still well up with real tears
Nauseous is how a McDonald's vanilla milkshake will make you feel
Disciplined is getting there on time, even if you have to drive like a bat out of hell to do so
Terrified is when your run over a serious speed bump and your car goes a few feet up in the air
Relieved is landing back on the ground in one piece
Focused is what you are when you come up with the simple yet brilliant solution to an ongoing problem at work
Pride is what you feel in those five seconds of nodding in approval at the meeting where you came up with the genius idea
Frustration is when someone asks you if you feel like punching someone and you confidently answer with a yes
Anxiety is placing your phone on your lap and staring at it till it flashes
Forgetfulness is not wishing someone a happy birthday
Sadistic is barking at your cat for amusement
Busy is locking yourself in a room
Grateful is when love someone a bit more just because they did something for you
Hopeful is looking forward to a calmer tomorrow
Eventful is today
Serenity is keeping your mind in place after a day like today

Saturday, November 7, 2009

The Way You Make Me Feel

Just watched This Is It, so slightly under the influence.

MJ was so peaceful, and inspiringly genius. I could write endlessly about everything i feel for the him now. In my eyes MJ was a real hero, and always will be.

Here's my tiny tribute

Also, if i ever get married, this would totally be the first dance song!



Thursday, November 5, 2009

Strike... 17?!

The title is a joke, i know there are only three strikes in a ball game. Or is it only two in softball?

I can be such a foreigner-wannabe sometimes. Yesterday i headed out with our work staff team to play softball at expat town, also known as Victoria ball pitch in Maadi. Our team players really are team players and they spent a lot of time explaining the one million rules I'm expected to remember on the field. We had two games last night. Let's start with the first one.

I struck out. That was pretty much all i understood. The rest of it was a lot of running and watching and me catching the ball when i was told to; sometimes succeeding, but most of the time just trying really hard. Some people are naturally good at all sports, I'm definitely not one of them. Im humble enough to admit that it takes me practice to become good, sometimes a lot of practice. It's just a bit sad when you're playing for the fun of it and others are taking it very seriously. I would be frustrated if the tables were turned.

After we lost terribly, we found out our opponents were American military. WTF?! They were flown in from their base in Bahrain for this tournament. WTF?! They were trained even in the post-game handshake, going around doing a fancy up/down slap with each other. WTF?! After the game i was messaging several friends who knew i was playing, and surprisingly many had the same question after finding out about the military face-off, "Who won?!" It killed a part of my ailing pride every time i had to wittily answer that.


Monday, November 2, 2009

adrenaline high

So much energy, so little time!!
Do you ever get the feeling like you wanna do it ALL? Seriously, like you want to try anything and everything and it drives you crazy when you have fifteen minutes of free time?
I've been like that for the past few weeks
I want to DO stuff, i dread sitting around wasting time. Take today for example. The day started on the tennis court, so you know it's gotta be a good day, right?
Then i went to work. And on days like this, the smallest things excite me. I had bought a new coffee machine, you know the traditional ones that actually keep your coffee hot and have no fancy foam pipes and all that unnecessary crap. It made my day to hook it up and use it today. I even kept calling people in to take a sniff in my office coz the fresh coffee made it smell so damn good!
We had a snooooze-y meeting today, contract reviews, ewww. Except today i was so hyped it wasn't snoooze-y at all! i actually got pretty excited and passionate about rental costs and whatnot.
Then i played ball! As in baseball. Something i hadn't done since Mr. Yarndely's grade eight Phys Ed class. I sucked but it was awesome! The weather was pretty intense, setting a dramatic game atmosphere.
I should be tired, except I'm not! i have an economics midterm tomorrow, just finished gathering my notes and ready to hit the books.
Anyway, the point is, i LOVE DOING STUFF! It's like a snowball that gets rolling and you just can't stop it, and you don't want to stop it. We're young and smart and pretty and healthy and fortunate in every way. Why anyone would want to waste all the energy is beyond me.
I don't get people who mope around home all day. Nor people who mope around the office all day.
In a few years, I'm not going to be able to play, work, play, write, study, drive, etc all in one day. So i might as well love it now, and be grateful enough to acknowledge this adrenaline high, even if it's only on this blog.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Winter means

Winter means:
1. cold feet, in more ways than one
2. slamming doors, wind induced
3. weird sounds outside that you think is rain, turns out to be just fierce wind
4. having to pee every 10 minutes which is unfavorable because of
5. cold toilet seats
6. a jacket/scarf permanently left on the car backseat 'just in case' (of course it is always left behind when you actually need it)
7. coffee going cold if not consumed within 5 minutes of pouring
8. hating to step outside office. while our semi-outdoor hallways are pretty, they are a threat of mild pneumonia if too much time is spent in them
9. chapped lips
10. setting the alarm half an hour earlier, time it takes to drag self out of bed
11. boots! finally...
12. permanent hunger
13. couch potato, movie marathon lifestyle
14. pretty dresses, tights, and boots when above gets boring
15. healthy hair
16. Christmas, whether you celebrate it or not. My favorite part of this being Wham's Last Christmas and Mariah's All I Want for Christmas
17. looking forward to summer