Friday, September 24, 2010

too good at this

every time i have a dry writing spell i have to force myself to come back on here and just write for the sake of writing
it doesn't matter that i know exactly who reads this and some of those i have no idea who they are or what they do or why they read. it doesn't matter that i've already said everything i have to say
Which brings me to the point of this particular piece: i've said everything i wanted to say
i've done it all before, too many times. I've become to good at this
now before im labeled arrogant, by "too good at this" i don't mean too good at writing, as i am far from being just good, but too good at everything that im thinking, feeling and doing
i know my life goals i know where i am and where i am planning to go and i have a pretty good idea about how im going to get there. i've written about what i like and dislike, maybe more dislikes than likes. I've got too much figured out, I know how everything will probably turn out
I am too deep into my own life. I know me too well
And while i think that is a blessing and a rare knowledge of the self not a lot can claim to posses, it's as double edged as the sharpest double edged weapon.
Knowing yourself too well leads to the inevitable "what now?" and this isn't necessarily a bad thing. I still anticipate and ponder and wonder. but this knowing leaves a form of numbness that can be very difficult to explain.
It's like the second time around on a roller coaster. you get excited and scared still but you know where you are and what is probably going to happen. At some point, you become "too good" at riding roller coasters. And that's what's going on with me now. I've become too good at whatever it is im doing here. So until i find something more interesting to write about, i'll just sit here and know.