Saturday, July 27, 2013

an apology for my mouth

If i could apologize for the things my mouth says, i would. but my mouth gets its orders to speak from my brain, so maybe i should be apologizing for it too.
i don't mean to speak without thinking. I do think, though. but i forget to think about how my words will be received and perceived. I don't mean to hurt people, and half the time when i put myself on the receiving end i find myself quite vile. yes, vile and selfish too.
maybe a metaphoric example would help here.
i made a plan with a friend to meet up later. i had wanted to go to a movie but we i figured out it was much more suitable to both of our schedules if i postponed going to the movie. i would definitely be going to the movie, just not right now. so we made plans to go for a walk instead. in the time before we met up, i browsed the movies that were available. but i am always browsing movies, it didn't mean i had changed our prospective plan. and then i went ahead and booked a movie ticket. okay, i didn't actually book it but i, how do i say this? i started to apply for a movie ticket. this is the part where i need to apologize on behalf of my brain. then before we went for a walk, i told my friend about my possible movie ticket, my friend was shocked, and when my friend was shocked i realized once again what a horrible person i can be. my friend wasn't shocked about the idea of the movie, but the fact that i had been looking into a movie theatre at a completely different location than where i said i would be looking to go. im not horrible for wanting to go to a movie, or even to plan going to one, but to have made my friend feel that our previous plan was replaceable. and that is where i need to apologize for my mouth. it says things and it says them in ways that i do not mean. mine and my friend's plan to go for a walk is not replaceable. and im truly sorry for making it sound like it is. well, at least my mouth is really, very sorry. and at the end of the day, where things stand, today, yesterday, and tomorrow, the location of the movie is not very important. as long as i get to see it with my friend. so for now, i'll focus on going on our walk. and maybe that will clear my head.

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