avoiding the easy way out

If you're as single as i am, you've probably thought about this a thousand times. How convenient would it be to have someone to go see the random movie with? someone who always has a minute for you, who's on speed dial that you actually use, that you can make three second calls to a hundred times a day. Someone who worries about you, just you.

Im blessed with wonderful friends and family who do all that. But they care love and worry about me amidst a whole tight circle of others. Their attention is not just mine.

Sometimes i entertain the thought of taking the easy way out. Just say yes to the random friend, aunt, friend's mother in law, neighbor's aunt who thinks she knows someone that would be a perfect match for me. We would both be from polite, well educated families. We would both spend summers on the coast. We would both work with our families and in the weekends join friends at expensive restaurants. We would both have had our share of traditional world travel. We would have a perfectly elegant engagement party then start planning for a traditional wedding the the Four Seasons Nile Plaza.

I entertain the thought for one day, max, then i barf at it. I know its disgusting to say barf but the thought itself is disgusting.

While venting all this out to a friend, he came up with a very important boost to my ego, "Mona, you have incredible positive energy, its very noticeable about you, don't lose that." Those might not have been the exact words, but the context was the same. And you know what? i DO have too much positive energy to waste that one someone who is just "convenient"

I believe in the dream, i want to fairy tale. And my biggest flaw probably is that i KNOW i WILL get the fairy tale. I just know. i have no idea how, when, or most importantly who, but it's all gonna come. Sometimes i get tired of waiting for it or seeking it. But my fairy tale is gonna be worth it.

I will have someone to share the world with. I don't like sharing but i will want to share. I'll have someone who wants travel with me. Who's so full of ambition, who's gonna be a star someday. I want someone who believes in me. Who believes in our youths and all what we could do with it. I am not planning to give up anything or substitute even an inch of the perfectness i want. I want someone so full of faults, so imperfectly perfect for me.

I'll get it i know, sometimes waiting is hard. But i believe in rewards. Even if i don't get it, im still growing beautifully and having a blast doing that. It's gotta be worth the interruption and i know it will be.