wrong metaphors

sharing is caring- no sharing is just sharing. i don't have to care when i share, and you don't either. this goes back to Joey and Phoebe's bet to find a "selfless good deed," remember that episode of Friends? it's difficult to find a selfless good deed. it takes a little selfishness to be good, thus selfishness isn't always a bad thing. anyway back to sharing, it's not caring, it's just sharing they don't have to go hand in hand, it's fake

seeing is believing- not true either. i believe, i don't have to see. other times, i see but i don't believe. this sounds almost to philosophical so let me give you an example, or two. i believe in God, i believe in love, i believe that good conquers evil every single time, and i have never seen any of those. when you put it the other way, seeing isn't always believing either. like when you see someone crying and don't believe their tears or you see someone laughing but don't believe their laughter is coming from real, genuine joy

happy cursing at the momma's day

today is mothers' day. it is a joyous occasion on which we are supposed to express our love and appreciation of our beautiful mothers an try once and again to repay them everything they have done for us and realize that in doing all that we can, we can never give them as much as they gave us. It is a day we are supposed to remember that they love us unconditionally, no matter how much we fret and give them a hard time with everything. we are supposed to stop and take in every reason why our mothers are beautiful, and let them know how much we truly love them.

and my sweetness ends here

today i took the momma out for some pampering and one-on-one quality time. driving to get somewhere i had to turn the car around. now i know im a semi-capable driver and i wasn't taking long at all, i can be above-average efficient when it comes to maneuvering aroung tight Cairo streets. anyway, mid turn this a**hole of a microbus driver yells at me, "hurry, we wanna pass!" the right thing to do then was ignore him but of course i had to bellow out my open window, "and what do i think i wanna do? just sit here? i wanna pass too!" and i did yell this out pretty angrily. anyway i guess i touched a nerve on his uneducated, lower class, male ego that he started cursing at me. well, first at me, then using "your mother" curses. luckily i drove away before i could have heard to much of it.

of course my mom was sitting shaking her head at me wondering aloud when i am going to learn to keep that angry mouth of mine shut.

that wasn't what i was thinking about though. i was thinking that it's fuckin' mothers' day. why not be pleasant? clearly the older woman sitting next to me is my mother, or at least someone's mother. couldn't we leave her out of this cursing war just for one day? i mean, why do we, as a population, curse at each other using mothers anyway? why can't someone insult me for me, and not bring my beloved mother into this?

now if i were a guy, carrying around an anger like mine, i would probably smashed right into his pathetic microbus then picked a physical fight and thrown a few punches. but i am not. so i settled for denial, regression, and humor. i told my mom that i would be showing her a different kind of mother's day every year. this just happened to be the year we get cursed at by a stranger on the street.

never a boring day Cairo, never a boring day.

it [should be] a man's world

at least the workplace is a man's world. after a day like today i can finally see why men find women so frustrating. women are great, females are awesome, girls are fabulous. but when it comes to work, some don't cut it.

some women demand gender equality, but do nothing to support their argument. i'll leave that for another post since i have too much to say on it. for now:

advice to women in the workplace

1. never cry at work. it makes you look ridiculous. in fact, it makes you just ridiculous

2. if you're gonna cry at work, then at least use waterproof mascara

3. stop repeating yourself. if you said it once to my face, chances are i heard you

4. never ever ever EVER wear flip flops to work, no matter how casual your job allows you to be. flip flops are for the beach and any ground that is not sand makes your feet dirty and disgusting

5. stop gossiping. just stop

6. stop repeating things you hear, for that is also gossiping

7. don't show up dressed like a slut on a night out and expect respect from office boys and security guards

8. never cry at work

9. conceal dark circles under your eyes, it makes you look sleep deprived

10. conceal pms. it's irritating having to work around your mood swings

11. it's okay to swear if you're angry. no goody-two-shoes is ever taken seriously

12. don't cry at work

13. stop flirting your way to the bosses' good graces. since, in this case, most of your bosses are female, it won't work

14. kissing up counts as flirting. stop that too

15. did i mention, never cry at work?

with or without you

another lyrics-inspired post, stop reading now if you've grown bored of them

"i can't live with or without you" was reiterated by U2 and so many other bands. the words were repeated so often because they're so true

we all have those people we can live with, but can't live without. and if you don't have them, you're among the lucky few. the lucky few who can make decisions easily when it comes to dropping people out of your life. There are those we can't drop. not just because they're coworkers, old friends, or even family, but because even if we try we can't live without them.

it becomes exhausting trying to live with and without them

it's sad that we have to be so different from one another. the difference is supposed to be what makes like interesting, right? not. it makes like so much harder than it already is. we keep thinking over and over how much easier life would be if this person or that person were easier to get along with. and on the other side, they're thinking how much easier life would be if you were easier to get along with.

the frustration with those people gets so intense that some days you go insane and all hell breaks loose and you blurt out exactly what's on your mind. then you regret it. you genuinely regret it and wish you could take back every hurtful word, every truth, and go back to pretending you're okay with them. then they do something so stupid and the regret evaporates and more intense anger takes its place.

i was reading something today, i don't really remember what it was but it said that anger is a secondary emotion. that means it stems from another emotion. like you get hurt, so you become angry. or you're afraid, and that angers you. therefore, we're not just angry because we're angry, we're angry because something happened to make us that way. with the type of people in question here, the people you can't live with or without, unleashing this anger is not always a good idea. because since you can't live without them, the actions during your anger will always be remembered. but, also, since you can't live without them, you can't hold on to the anger. you've got to release it so you can move past it.

so at times like these, you just don't know what to do anymore. and when i say you i mean me. you don't know how to act or react. or even whether or not to react. sometimes when you're so busy with everything else, and everything else is going so wrong and its hectic and frustrating and soul-crushing, you need to live without them. you need to live without them so at least you can at some point go back to living with them.

City of blinding lights

i don't know what city U2 were singing to, but Cairo is MY city of blinding lights.

As i write this, im so high on this gorgeous city. Im so high on my gorgeous neighborhood and how beautiful and alive it becomes in the summer. These early days of summer make me appreciate everything SO much more. I long to be outside all the time. At work i look for tasks to do outdoors. I walk from building to building smiling idiotically every time im hit with the rays of sun. Summer makes this city come alive

at night it is so damn beautiful. people are happier. outdoor cafes are busy with the hustle of Cairenes embracing the beautiful weather. Lights are so much more vibrant. There is a rush to be outdoors, to wear a t-shirt and abandon the layers of ugly winter clothing.

I appreciate this city. i absolutely love this neighborhood. With its busy streets, with it's crowded sidewalks. I appreciate the crowd. i appreciate we have reason to head outdoors. i appreciate the summer.

There is nothing like the combination of beautiful places, friends who are family, good music, and a good walk and laugh. It is so rare to be able to walk anywhere in this city. Tonight i did. i met people i love. i walked back listening to music i love. and i feel so damn lucky.

U2 had it exactly right "Oh you look so beautiful tonight in this city of blinding lights"

not writing

i don't write these days. i thought i didn't know why but i do

i don't write because i'm too tired to think

i don't write because when i'm at this laptop it's for either work or class assignments. after both are done i don't have the capacity to think anymore

i don't write because i don't like to just write anything, even though i probably should, and nowadays i just have nothing to say

i don't write because i can't breathe. because i hate March and all the dust it brings

i don't write because i would rather re-watch episodes of Entourage

i don't write because i don't feel like it. no excuses. i just don't feel like it

i don't write because my mind is not at peace. even though writing brings my mind to peace

i don't write because my thoughts are all over the place

i don't write because i wouldn't know what to write or how to write it

i don't write because i get migraines

i don't write because i've been an insomniac for a week. and the migraines don't go away

i don't write because i don't enjoy anything that i have to do. i want to want to write

i don't write because all i ever feel like posting is music. and that's not very interesting to anyone but to myself

i don't write because it will come out sounding like complaining. just like this post. and i don't mean to complain. so i won't write