(don't) respect your elders

When i take a break from work/study time to blog it means something has gotten on my nerves, or i realized something very important that cannot wait to be published. In this case it's the former.

How do you tell someone who works with you and is literally three times your age that they're a useless waste of office space? That their desk and computer are better suited for charity or even recycling? How do you tell someone that without hurting them? Some are efficient at work, some are less efficient, and some just can't do shit. These are the type of people you ask to do something and they come back to you with

1. "i cannot do this. would you do it?" -- if i wanted to or could do it in the first place i would have done so

2. "this can't be done" -- yes it can, watch me, or watch someone else not so helpless

3. "what is it you wanted me to do exactly?" -- this one usually comes two days or so after the asked task had been detailed

4. "this is not in my job description, but i will help you with it" -- your effing job description is to do what i ask you to do

Now when it is someone your own age or a few years within it, replies are no problem. most of the time negative replies don't even sound rude. But when it's someone so much older, and with so many more years of experience under their belt, it can be frustrating to tell them off. Or in this case, holding off telling them off and just doing the job myself or finding a more competent aide. but time after time after time it becomes aggravating.

being old is not an excuse for avoiding work or slacking off or just choosing not to do some bothersome task. and "old" in the workplace is really, anyone over fifty, right? which isn't even that old. And the tasks being requested are not rocket science, nor are they any kind of science for that matter. Therefore, the question still stands: what DO you do when an older person isn't doing what they are supposed to, and should be able to, do? What is rude in this case? I believe "rude" isn't applicable to work, if you take your job seriously. You do what needs to be done, and your counterpart accepts it, f they take their own job seriously, not matter how old or young they are.

Anyway these were my thoughts of the moment, more when i get them.

driving me crazy

When i first got my driver's license, a world of opportunities opened up. No longer would i need to arrange a ride or to be picked up and dropped off. no longer would my driver's day off regulate my weekend. no longer would i need to plan beforehand exactly how i would get somewhere and exactly how i would get back home. you get the picture.

Years later, that is not the case. Now i almost never leave home unless i absolutely have to or really want to. It's not because I'm aging quickly or becoming boring, but because driving has become a recurring pain in the ass. The hassle of taking a car out, struggling through traffic, then parking it somewhere else makes one consider and reconsider if the trip is worth the hassle. Leaving home has to happen at least an hour prior to when you need to get where you want to get. Making a dash for it is not possible anymore.

I don't intend to describe what happened to the streets but i am attempting to describe what has happened to us because of what happened to the streets.

Due to absence of decent radio service in Cairo, a car ride without decent music is hell. Therefore, forgetting my ipod is no longer an option. I remember at least a few times where i would drive back a short distance just to get my music.

My car is becoming a telephone operation base. Almost all calls are made while driving. Long calls, short calls, work calls, gossip calls, everything. The good thing about this is that less time is wasted on the phone outside of the car.

Because of the inevitability of the extended driving durations, car companions have to be picked with care. It is has become a serious mistake to take in someone who is too boring, too talkative, too loud, too nosy, or, worst of all, has an opinion against my own in music, and dares to change my songs. It is even worse when i am the passenger and the driver has terrible music taste and i end up with a physical and metaphorical headache caused by the crap they play.

Everyday i say i'd hire a fill time driver, just for myself. So i would never ever have to drive again. He'd take me to work and back, drive through afternoon traffic, take me to the other sides of Cairo which I'm too lazy to drive to myself after the morning trek. But then i change my mind. I like to be in control in my car. I want to turn up the music as loud as i want, and most of the time sing along. i want to be able to repeatedly turn the air conditioning up and down. at the times when i do have a driver, i annoy him as well as myself with a million requests.

Im drifting off the point here. The point is traffic is driving me crazy and its not getting better and its taking longer to get anywhere and i will go nowhere that is not worth the trip. I'm sure you wouldn't either.

Objection

"This is pathetic and sardonic

it's sadistic and psychotic

Tango's not for three

was never meant to be

but you can try it, rehearse it

or train like a horse

but don't you count on me, don't you count on me"

-- Shakira, Objection

little lies

I never believe anyone who claims to never lie. We all lie, ALL of us. Lying doesn't have to be a bad thing. Some lies are so insignificant, i don't think it's fair labeling them lies in the first place. I told a little lie today and that got me thinking about these little lies. I realized i use them quite often.

When I'm talking to someone about something very boring and the subject changes and they ask what were we talking about, i say "i forgot" and quickly change the subject before they remember. Or when someone asks me to pick between two things that are close to identical, i vote and convincingly argue for one just to get on with it, even though i don't see the damn difference.

They're not really lies but they're not truths either, so that makes them lies. I don't believe in "white lies" a lie is a lie. And the only goodness that comes from telling a lie, no matter how little or white, is owning up to it.

c'est la freakin' vie

the title of this post was my status on one of the too many gadgets/electronic vents i use. friends who saw it were asking what's wrong? nothing is wrong. but i did have one of my frequent breakthroughs regarding life, our life, and what we're doing to it and what it is doing to us

and the only thing that comes to mind is "c'est la freakin' vie"

recently, death hit close to home, not quite my home but close enough. I wrote about that already so this isn't an encore. except that today, once again, death has hit close. it's not so much the pain this time, it's the realization that we're all bound to get there. That sooner or later one of those hits will be at home. so c'est la freakin' vie

we do things for people and expect that they would do the same for us in return. then the tables turn and its time for them to live up to our expectations and they don't. and we get disappointed and mad and upset and even more mad then we cool off. then they ask for something again. and we do it, knowing that when it's their turn, they won't come through. but we still do what they ask for and i don't know why. we feel cheated and abused. we feel disgusted at ourselves for letting ourselves get cheated and abused. but c'est la freakin' vie

sometimes you find something that makes you really happy. and you promise to using it only for your happiness, harming no one else, stepping away if you're about to do harm. not talking about it not complaining not expecting, not wanting, not doing anything. just enjoying. but life takes away that privilege. you are not left in peace to like what you like and do what you do because life gets in the way. and you can't help but wonder why and question if you really deserve what you want to do, and when you realize you do deserve it, you can only think c'est la freakin' vie

sometimes you have problems at work, but c'est la freakin' vie

sometimes you have a killer headache that won't go away for days, but c'est la freakin' vie

sometimes you are just bothered with everyone asking for so much and expecting so much out of you. they expect, expect, then expect some more and you have to stretch yourself to make them all happy, or in most cases just satisfied, and in some cases unsatisfied. and guess what? c'est la freakin' vie aussi

So if you read this and can relate, it might be comforting to know we're all in this together. or it might not, i don't know i just write because i need to vent. We're all uncomfortable in some way or another and sometimes in many ways and others. but this too shall pass, shall it not? i like to read up on inspirational bullshit and one i can particularly relate to this is "when life gives you lemons, make orange juice and leave life wondering how the hell you did it"

mind on my money, money on my mind

Do you ever think about spending habits? i didn't used to but now i do

now that i work for a salary and try to save, rarely succeeding, and finding my salary deposit amount empty before mid-month, i gotta stop and ask myself where the money goes

trying to remember what the past two weeks have been like, i don't remember overspending on anything. but that's not the issue here, what I'm trying to understand is the way we spend.

everything is relatively cheap in cairo, even car gas, so where does our money go? yes i do tend to drift off at the hairdresser's and end up buying hundreds of pounds worth of products whenever i go. yes, i like overpriced coffee and drink it almost everyday, et cetera. but none of that should result in the rapid depletion of my account month after month.

i almost think i should start writing down everything i spend. but im not that neurotic yet.

its times like these i am slightly thankful to live in a male-dominant society. Even though i choose too, it will never be expected of me to fully support a home. that would be a nightmare. i don't know how our fathers did it, they are heroes for providing for us and even bigger heroes for not hating us when they do and when we carelessly spend their money.

sleep tight

as kids, we avoid sleep. as grown ups (or the pseudo grown ups we are) we long for it and cherish its value. personally, i get pissed off when i wake up earlier than necessary on weekends. I love getting sleepy at 9:30 and using it as an excuse to get into bed.

sleep is a recharge. it is a force on your body and mind to shut down. when sleep comes everything else seems trivial, nothing cant wait till tomorrow.

i love those last moments before you drift off, and those first ones when you wake up. It always seems to me that this is when we're at our most transparent. Given the chance, we say whatever we want to whomever we want. Call me childish but that is why i learned to keep my phone and computer away when im falling asleep. the honesty of those moments is just so tempting. i think in terms of everything being so little and unimportant, what does it matter that i tell a little secret before bed? or send a rude message to someone who had pissed me off during the day? it is only after we send stuff like that that leads to "wtf have i done?!" the following morning. Sleep induced messaging is my form of drunk dialing.

the best kind of sleep though is when you don't set an alarm. the kind when you wake up wondering what time it is, and which day it is sometimes. on those rare occasions, stall looking at the time, enjoying my time-ignorant bliss.

inconsideration

Do you ever have people piss you off and push all your wrong buttons, then ask in a chirpy voice, "why are you so angry?" When that happens i physically boil on the inside and feel that im about to explode.

Inconsideration is when people keep shoving crap your way, then they shove some more, unaware or choosing to ignore the loads of crap they've already shoved before. It is when someone asks you to do a million things for them, and you dutifully accept, then ask why it bothers you to do number one million and one.

People make you hard then they wonder what is wrong with you, unaware of their contributions to the heart of stone you are quickly acquiring.

At one point in our lifespan we've got to pay our dues, because we are all due to something or someone in some form. We pay those dues with the dream that once they're paid, we can live not owing anyone anything. i long for that day more than any other day. Girls my age dream of their wedding day, the day they become mothers, et cetera. i dream of two things, when i become a real success at what i want to be, and when i am free of familial, social, and even emotional debt to anyone. I do not want to owe anyone anything.

are you socialist?

I know, i haven't been writing. But my classes are back in session so i should have more thoughts now that my brain is no longer on mid year break.

Speaking of classes, i am learning about myself that i am quick to say stupid things aloud to a room full of graduate students. Then i take in what i just said while everyone just looks at me, not always in a bad way though. My favorite this week was "I'm not an airhead" and it came out sounding lie something a purebred blondie would say.

That's not the one I'm interested in telling you about though. The one I'm interested in telling you about is "Are you socialist or something?"

You see, i am taking this class on the role of government in a market-oriented economy. So naturally, the first day we were discussing what we all think the role of government is and what it should be. Not surprisingly, my outspoken Egyptian public university educated classmates all had the same opinion. The foreigners mostly stayed quiet.

The discussion lured mostly around how the crappy government is doing a crappy job and the crappy business owners are in control and are abusive of the majority of the poor-but-well-intentioned, hardworking, constantly exploited population. And that was the point at which i had my little outburst, telling my classmates i thought they were socialist. When we Egyptians criticize out own government, we tend to forget one very important thing: this government wakes up every single day with 80 million mouths to feed. If that doesn't draw some sympathy even to the most malign of guardians, i don't know what will. I am not defending our government, i am disapprovingly well aware of its corruption. All i am saying is that our constant complaining is not helping. This is a classic case of "if you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem."

We, educated, adults need be doing much more than sitting in some master's class badmouthing for the sake of complaining. I noticed a trend while listening to my classmates: no one gives reasons for why things are they they are, or what is needed to be done by whom to fix them.

At one point we were discussing medicine. One of my opposers threw at me the fact that the aspirin sold at pharmacies isn't as strong as aspirin sold at all other pharmacies over the world. I wanted to yell a him, "Ya think, idiot?!" In a country that still subsidizes terrible quality bread, the guy with a headache wants the bread, not the aspirin. Better and more food, a better transportation system, better curricula at public schools will all make the poor man's headache go away faster than any top-quality aspirin pill will.

What struck me most was that these complainers were raised to oppose and to complain. The tendency to point the finger at the other guy (in this case, the government or the private business owner) was so very strongly inhibited in their reactive mental capacities. It was all like, "this government is crap and it needs to be changed, not only changed but hanged and murdered and burned down because they do a crappy job and i will not help rather i will sit here and order the torture of this evil government then i will laugh as they burn down."

Whether we like it or not, we're all in this together. Personally, i don't like it. I am thankful each and every single day to be educated and to have access to more education and to have the reasoning to realize how i want to give to this country. At least, i will give by not barking at it. I refuse to blame the government fully. I will blame certain aspects of it to a certain extent, but it is not solely its fault that people can't get Panadol.

I am not saying that things are good as they are, things are horrible. But stop complaining you socialists. TRY being responsible for someone else's monthly income first, let alone try to BE the government, responsible for 80 daily food intakes. And when you can do a better job, complain all you want. But as long as you're comfortably sitting in a brand-new campus, being taught by some of the best professionals in the country, put a lid on your complaints.

allergic to winter

I'm allergic to winter, in all that it is and all that it brings

Im physically allergic to winter

I''m allergic to the wind. It makes my eyes hurt i never knew eyes could hurt but thats what wind does to me. It makes my eyes tear up for hours on end. It blows harshly into my long hair. It causes it to get into my eyes and that hurts and stings even more.

The cold gives me a headache. The cold makes my fingers hurt to the point that i can't hold my anything. It puts me in pain to find my keys and start my car. Dialing my phone is exhausting. Keeping the phone in my hand in order to dial is also exhausting. The skin on my hands look like an old lady's no matter how much lotion i use or how many different types and brands of moisturizers i switch between.

And when i get a break from it all i find that my eyes are still stinging and the headache is still there. My lips get chapped and i hate chapped lips because they're ugly. Lip balms and glosses become my permanent carry along and i lose them in different bags and pockets. Coming to work is just sad because it's so windy at work. The air is fresh but the area is cold. Colder than downtown at least.

Im emotionally allergic to winter

Cold nights drain me there's nothing i want to do except sleep and complain. It's sad to stay in every night but that's all i want to do. Then i complain so much that i get sick of my own complaining so i complain some more. i don't see my girls as much during these few cold weeks and that upsets me.

Im mentally allergic to winter

Im more stupid during winter. True. I don't use my brain half as much as i should or as i would normally do. all i can think of is how much i hate this weather and can only daydream of summer to pass the hours. I become so much less productive at work. It really does take me longer to answer certain questions. I find excuses to work at my desk, where there's heat and coffee and comfort even though my job is not a desk job.

I think i have it figured out. I hate winter not because it's bad but because of what it does to me. Im allergic to it so i'll never like it. And i don't have to. Im glad its short i hope it ends right now.