with or without you

another lyrics-inspired post, stop reading now if you've grown bored of them

"i can't live with or without you" was reiterated by U2 and so many other bands. the words were repeated so often because they're so true

we all have those people we can live with, but can't live without. and if you don't have them, you're among the lucky few. the lucky few who can make decisions easily when it comes to dropping people out of your life. There are those we can't drop. not just because they're coworkers, old friends, or even family, but because even if we try we can't live without them.

it becomes exhausting trying to live with and without them

it's sad that we have to be so different from one another. the difference is supposed to be what makes like interesting, right? not. it makes like so much harder than it already is. we keep thinking over and over how much easier life would be if this person or that person were easier to get along with. and on the other side, they're thinking how much easier life would be if you were easier to get along with.

the frustration with those people gets so intense that some days you go insane and all hell breaks loose and you blurt out exactly what's on your mind. then you regret it. you genuinely regret it and wish you could take back every hurtful word, every truth, and go back to pretending you're okay with them. then they do something so stupid and the regret evaporates and more intense anger takes its place.

i was reading something today, i don't really remember what it was but it said that anger is a secondary emotion. that means it stems from another emotion. like you get hurt, so you become angry. or you're afraid, and that angers you. therefore, we're not just angry because we're angry, we're angry because something happened to make us that way. with the type of people in question here, the people you can't live with or without, unleashing this anger is not always a good idea. because since you can't live without them, the actions during your anger will always be remembered. but, also, since you can't live without them, you can't hold on to the anger. you've got to release it so you can move past it.

so at times like these, you just don't know what to do anymore. and when i say you i mean me. you don't know how to act or react. or even whether or not to react. sometimes when you're so busy with everything else, and everything else is going so wrong and its hectic and frustrating and soul-crushing, you need to live without them. you need to live without them so at least you can at some point go back to living with them.