regret

i don't believe people when they way they have no regrets. we all have regrets, or we all should anyway. When's there's talk of regret the inevitable question arises, do we more regret the things we did or the things we didn't do?

From where i stand, or sit, this summer night, i regret the things i didn't do. I regret all the options i didn't choose, all the things i didn't say, all the thanks i didn't give, all the chances i didn't give, all the stubbornness and repetition of the same belief. I regret it all.

You see, when you actually do something, there are (usually) the options between undoing it or just moving on in sort of denial or choosing to forget it was done and just walking away. The past becomes the past. And as long as you don't let it haunt you, you're more or less fine. But when you don't do something, and time passes, and you can no longer do that thing or say it or express in any shape or form. The "what if's" get to you and they crawl under your skin and you imagine so many different scenarios that your imagination becomes tired. You start to question timeliness and why things happened or didn't happen when they did. You want nothing more than a rewind button for life so you can act differently.

But its not like regret that makes you wanna kick yourself. It's more like uncertain regret. Like you think you regret something but aren't entirely sure. and you want that rewind button just so you can be sure. But there is no rewind button. Or at least i haven't found one yet.

Then you sit here, like me, wishing you had given it a chance or said something or just weren't so damn stubborn.