selfish love

we're all selfish, in one way or another. the worst of us deny it and the best of us admit it. And in being selfish, we tend to love ourselves most. My love for ME is and will always be greater than my love for anyone else.

Sometimes we forget though. We forget about loving ourselves. We treat our bodies and souls cruelly, we don;t give them the attention they need. We don't give our mind a break, we don't let it rest. We occupy our minds with the well-being and the happiness of others, and in doing so, neglecting our own well-being.

In what I'm going to call wake up calls to the self, we are reminded of that selfish love. Something happens that reminds them no matter how much we care for others, we care for ourselves more. We get these wake up calls from a person, a place, an incident, it doesn't matter we just get them. When you look at your face and find it pale, or when someone looks at you in a way you don't like, you are reminded how much you love yourself and will not have it ill-treated. You feel sorry for yourself and want to apologize. You don't know how to make it up to YOU.

here's my apology

i promise myself that i will not leave my hair unruly, unhealthy

i promise myself that i will not let my face get so pale

i promise myself that i will not drink enough caffeine to drown my soul

i promise myself that i will not let anyone blame me for something i haven't done

i promise myself that i will not let anyone get away with even looking at me wrong

i promise myself that i will not swallow painkillers like candy

i promise myself enough fresh air

i promise myself to forgive others, but never forget

i promise myself my own, selfish love, that is mine and no one else's