I'm scared to write this, or even think it, but a kid-less life might not be so bad. I'm not saying i don't want kids of my own- be careful what you wish for, right? But i don't mind things as they are now. The good thing about other people's kids is that sooner or later, they leave. You only deal with them temporarily.
Moving on, let me also point out that i like discipline in all its forms. Not in a sadistic, military manner but there IS a time and a place for everything. When it comes to the topic of this post, i strictly believe, and try to promote, a little bit of tough discipline in bringing up kids. I have only very limited experience, but from what i learned i'll preach that kids definitely need a tough hand.
Today i was mean to one of the nephews. He was throwing a temper tantrum, like a REAL tantrum with screaming and kicking and the works, so i carried him into a room, walked out and closed the door. I didn't lock him or anything but i left him alone. This particular toddler is barely two years old, he is not used to being left alone. In less than ten seconds he was opening the door from inside, still yelling and crying, but it wasn't such a drama.
I was told later that what i did was wrong. That leaving kids alone in a room could lead to nervous breakdowns and psychological damage. You know what i think? I think unruly kids DO suffer from some form of psychological damage. Kids who are used to getting what they want by crying and screaming louder and louder DO suffer some psychological damage. Kids who cannot listen to ten seconds worth of instructions DO suffer some psychological damage. Undisciplined kids are as bad as sick ones. They will never grow up to be stable members of society. I truly believe that, from the very beginning, kids ought to be taught that there are ways and means to get what they want out of life, screaming their throats out isn't one of them. Kids who do as they please, not listening to anyone, not scared of anyone, not caring, can never grow up to be responsible adolescents and adults.
I believe there are more important things to teach a toddler than giving them what they want. There is a bigger life lesson to be learned from the toy they don't get to play with than the few minutes of joy they will get from playing. Stable kids are healthy kids. And the only way to start shaping them is from the very beginning. In fact, i believe it is CRUEL to try and re-raise a 10 year old, altering all the methods used up till they were ten. Bring them up right the first time and you won't have to re-do it is what i want to tell almost every single parent i meet. As a matter of fact, i meet some almost-grown-ups and can tell exactly where the parents went wrong during their toddler years.
Days like today make me feel less guilty about minor cruelty, more glad i don't have kids of my own, and way more appreciative of my life as it is today.
Mona Mona Mona, I know what you're talking about. Believe me I go through it every day three times. But trust me, controlling a todler has so many different ways than locking him up in a room alone. Like you said you can deprive him from the toy or the thing he's asking for which would give him the same message as locking him up but without the psychological disturbance.
ReplyDeleteHoney, you'll learn a lot about kids with more experience. But the most important lesson is that when your kid tells you he hates you, you can rest assured that you've succeeded as a parent!