Ego Restoration

I don't know who to blame it on: myself, our society, my parents, my schooling, or just basic socialization, but i have a giant size ego. Mega-ego. Most days it is subtle, and only those who really know me know of it.

I like having such an ego, i think it's a good thing. I don't mean ego as in mere overconfidence, but in knowing your worth. Self awareness of value. High self esteem. There are a dozen things i can call it but ego fits best.

Now sometimes things happen that bruise our egos. These things might not necessarily be a burst in a balloon, but they are bruises. It makes me question my self value. For a while i had thought that maybe i gave myself too much credit. Maybe I'm not all that great. Maybe I con myself into thinking i am what i am not. Not true; in fact it proved to be very very wrong.

I'll tell you one more thing, the biggest hurt is a hurt to my ego.

You can run me over physically, psychologically, emotionally, it won't matter half as much as a blow to my self image. That makes me question my own honesty, not anyone else's. I grew up with a divine father who taught me all we are is what we create of ourselves. Now when that image of ourselves is scratched, the whole world turns upside down. And turning it back takes a hell load of effort, because you have to build yourself again.

So while i worked hard to make something of myself again, i was oblivious to changes around me. I was so caught up in "Mona" and what mona is and what mona wants to be that i noticed the changing mona but didn't notice the changing world. Picture this, if you're in a race running alongside competitors, you can compare your progresses. But if you isolate you efforts, you might just run so ahead of everyone else in the world, completely exhausting yourself, while you could've done just fine with half the effort.

When you take a moment just to look at how the world's been since, and you find yourself more ahead than you thought you were, this is a great moment. This is the moment of Ego Restoration. When you realize everything you've made of yourself is so true, so real, and not even the slightest exaggerations exist. It is when you get your ego back, and realize that your ego was the biggest thing you ever lost, and you vow to never lose it or allow it to be bruised again.